“Because they are both heroes and wear red and blue”

When my daughter was little,  I made sure that in addition to the Barbies and the Littlest Pet Shops and whatever other crap was popular at the time there were also superhero figures. The JLU figures were easy to pick up and she ended up with Superman, Wonder Woman, Batman and Hawkgirl. I never paid much attention to the various pairings (which were frankly infrequent, the Barbies always had the fun, the Kens were always made to watch the Barbies having fun). One day I saw her with Superman and Wonder Woman and I saw she was holding them, well kinda like this:

I asked her why she was marrying Superman and Wonder Woman? Her answer? “Because they are both heroes and they both wear red and blue.”

I can’t help but think the rationale of a 5 year old girl is pretty much a the crux of what DC announced today. Wait I’ll correct myself. The rationale of a 5 year old combined with the wet dreams of a 14 year old boy.

Honestly, I know this may sadden some people but I couldn’t stop giggling at how juvenile today’s announcement was. At least sometimes when DC does stuff it’s subtle. But this wasn’t subtle. It was incredibly unsubtle. DC has now turned to fan fiction for its storylines. Or worse Frank Miller.

I should mention I’m not particularly upset about Lois in all this. Lois is too well known and ingrained in Superman’s mythos to be gotten rid of entirely. Sure they can not have her partnered with Superman for the 120,000 readers that might pick up a DC comic with Superman in each month, but they are going to still have to deal with the fact that Lois Lane is in other comics and, oh yeah, that big Hollywood movie coming out.

What really stumped me was why after spending so much time deconstructing Wonder Woman and letting Azzarello have forklift her origin so he could make her “his girl” (who he now cares about) why would they let the character then be paired with Superman? Why create a new level of visiblity only to put her in a relationship where she’ll be given second seat. Need proof? Who gets top billing in this? Read the headline in EW. It’s Superman.

Of course the whole decontruction of Wonder Woman in her own book has included having men put into her story where there were once none. Gone is the fatherless child born of a female tribe. Now she’s got a Daddy. Gone is the all female Amazon nation. Now there are boy Amazon’s sold off by their mothers for a guns. And gone are those fathers of Amazons, killed after supplying their semen. And then finally gone are the Amazons all together. Both in Wonder Woman’s book and in the alternative world of Earth 2.

The Wonder Woman theme song has begun sound like the theme of a Charlie Sheen sitcom - Men, Men, Men.

The writer doesn’t even think Woman should be part of her name.

But she’s selling well, I tell myself. And the art is pretty fantastic. 

But there was one place they hadn’t stuck a man into Wonder Woman and I think you all know I’m using double entrende there, right?

Wonder Woman, who declared herself brightly and clearly not a lesbian in last week’s Batwoman, had men in her origin but no man in her life.

And now she does. But not a new character that would be in her supporting cast. Not a character where she’d have the upper hand. Not a established character who, a non cape, who had years of being dazzled by her. Nope. They paired her with the only character in DC Comics that she’d take second seat too. 

For God’s sake they made the woman a demi-god. She should have her choice of any one as a mate. 

But nope.

Man of Steel, Women of “not of Clay any longer.” A true trophy.

My guess is this won’t last. Someone will come up with another fantasy they had when they were 14 and they’ll be off to another story. But sadly it will always have an impact on Wonder Woman who will once again man inserted into her persona where she didn’t before.

Wonder Woman: once known as the World’s Greatest Superheroine, soon known as Superman’s ex.